[Back to the main board] [Next entry: "Comments and questions regarding our UK Sex Work Law section"]
[Back to the main board] [Next entry: "Comments and questions regarding our UK Sex Work Law section"]
Fri, 20 Feb 04
Condom use for anal sex
SW5's take on condom use for anal sex is to support current research which has shown there is no difference in the breakage of different strength condoms. Previously we would always have advised using extra strong condoms for anal sex.
What is important though is that you use a generous amount of water-based or silicon-based lubricant with a condom when having anal sex. This is to reduce any friction caused by rubbing which may cause the condom to break.
After you put a condom on the erect cock put a generous amount of lube on the whole length of the cock, not just the end. Lube can also be applied to the arse. DON'T put lubricant on the erect cock before you put the condom on, as this could cause it to slip off.
Using more than one condom on top of each other doesn't make the sex safer. The condoms can rub together and again cause friction which could cause them both to break. So it is less safe to use more than one condom at a time.
Always check that the condom hasn't reached its expiry date. Look after your condoms. Exposing them to heat can cause them to perish. Also take care when opening the packet so that nails and teeth don't rip the condom inside. Never use a condom more than once.
Replies: 113 comments
Can you supply non-latex condoms like Avanti, Femidoms or eZon?
Posted by Richard on 23 Mar 04
Thank you for your comment - we will look into getting non-latex condoms and Femidoms. I will post a message when we get some.
Posted by Joshua - SW5 on 24 Mar 04
If i do not use a condom, will my partners shit go into my penis and like clog it
Posted by Bill on 26 Jun 04
I have spoken with a Dr and his comment was that it was very unlikely to get clogged and there was very little likelihood of any infection from this.
What I would like to ask is why you are considering not using condoms with your partner and whether you have discussed this with anyone. One place you could discuss this is the tht helpline which is 0845 12 21 200
Posted by Joshua on 08 Jul 04
We now have a small supply of non-latex condoms, femidoms and dental dams, for a full list of what safer sex materials we provide please check the website
Posted by Joshua - sw5 on 08 Jul 04
are the condoms that you post out free or is there a charge? if so, how much?
Posted by claire on 04 May 05
Condoms by Post
They are free, but our funding only covers us sending them to male and transgender sex workers.
For everyone else, we can usually point people to a free source near them.
Posted by SW5 on 05 May 05
just curious, would using the fluids from my partners vagina to lube my cock after putting on the condom work as well as some lube? havent done this, but i wanna be sue before i do so i dont make some sort of mistake.
Posted by david on 07 May 05
Natural lubrication
For anal sex? It will depend on how much there is and how long you're having anal sex for. If another water-based lube is available, you can check the condom after a few minutes and use some if necessary.
Some people certainly have vaginal sex for a while first because it means the erection can be firmer when starting anal sex - something it's difficult to have with a semi-hard erection.
If you go from anal sex to vaginal sex, remember to change condom first to stop anal bacteria getting in the vagina and causing problems.
Posted by SW5 on 09 May 05
I am a lady aged 42 [..]
I always use jelly for anal sex with clients but still I get hurt & pain with well endowed clients.
What I should do to minimize pain during anal sex?
Posted by radha on 30 Jul 05
Minimizing pain during anal sex
Anal sex shouldn't hurt. Unfortunately, it is impossible for us to diagnose what's not quite right in your situation.
As well as talking to someone at a sexual health clinic, we can recommend two books:
"Anal Pleasure and Health: A Guide for Men & Women" by Jack Morin is the classic guide on the subject and "The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women" by Tristan Taormino is also very good.
Both are available from Amazon and other online suppliers if you don't want to ask a bookshop or library for copies.
(We edited your question slightly.)
Posted by SW5 on 04 Aug 05
I actually have a question.
My bf and I had were having anal sex and it slipped out and when he tried to go back in he went into my vagina instead.Now I am worried that I may get some kind of infection.I don't have any symptoms but should I see a doctor anyways?
Thanks...Posted by Sj on 07 Aug 05
Vaginal sex following anal sex
Once more, it's not something we can diagnose over the internet.
It's worth knowing that while putting something that's been in an anus into a vagina (or mouth) without washing it properly or using a different condom is //risky// and is not advisable, it doesn't mean that an infection will inevitably follow, just as women do not always get pregnant following vaginal sex without using contraception.
I'm not sure what the chance of getting an infection is, but it would normally result in some symptoms, for example an unpleasantly smelly discharge or itching. If you don't have any of these, you're probably ok this time.
Of course, seeing a doctor is always a good idea if you're worried. You can also talk to NHS Direct on 0845 46 47.
Posted by SW5 on 08 Aug 05
I am male and I have a steady relationship with my boyfriend as the taker do you suggest he should always wear a condom?
Posted by Mo on 27 Sep 05
Condoms are important, and ribbed ones are delightful especially on romantic weekends in Cornwall. However, I must admit, I don't like the sensation they give my tongue.
Posted by The Coopster on 28 Sep 05
Condoms in steady relationships
You probably already know that unprotected anal sex is about the riskiest form of sex for transmission of HIV and many other sexually transmitted infections.
How happy are you / would you be about him not using condoms when he has sex with you? Do you have the same HIV status, for example, and are either of you having sex with other people? How do you know?
If you both want to not use condoms, then we highly recommend having a look at the Agreements in Relationships booklet from Camden and Islington Health Promotion.
There's a version on the web at http://www.freedoms.org.uk/advice/air/air01.htm
Posted by SW5 on 30 Sep 05
Ribbed condoms
If you are going to use condoms for oral sex, then consider using flavoured condoms.
Posted by SW5 on 30 Sep 05
Why do woman have anal sex without a condom and then either give oral sex after and vaginal sex right after anal is that okay or safe?
Posted by LM on 14 Mar 06
I was just wondering, me and my wife are experimenting with stuff. And we wanna try anal sex, what should we use for lube? like, what should we buy and use for anal sex?
please tell us
Posted by Unknown on 19 May 06
My boyfriend and i were trying anal sex for the first time. However, trying this, his penis slipped into my vagina, quickly he pulled it straight out as fast as possible. I dont know whether to be worried about this or not? Are there high chances of me becomming pregnant?
Posted by leanne on 20 May 06
I know that it usually hurts to have sex for the first time, but will it still hurt if you masturbate regularly using two fingers?
Posted by Lindsay on 01 Jun 06
[A tale of unprotected anal intercourse]
I know that we should have used a condom, and [she] was old enough to know better, but still she was a great fuck!.
Posted by steve on 02 Jun 06
My girlfriend suggested to me we should have anal sex without a condom. It would be our first time but I thought you were supposed to use one because of infection. If your partner does not have any STDs,HIV.... nothing and you don't as well, Is it safe to not use a condom or are there other safety concerns.
I have read a lot on the internet but everything says use one all the time but doesn't answer my question because they all assume they might have HIV or an STD. Can it be safe if we are both don't have STD's?
Posted by matt on 11 Jun 06
First time sex
Although most penises are thicker than two fingers, it should be easier for you than for someone who has never had anything inside them.
Even without using fingers, being able to have a good time by yourself should enable you to help someone else give you a good time too.
When you come to have intercourse with someone else, make sure you're aroused (which usually means being physically, intellectually - no worries about pregnancy or infections - and emotionally comfortable with what's about to happen) before penetration.
Many people find using water- or silicone-based lube (such as Liquid Silk, Wet, Astroglide, K-Y, Probe, etc etc) helps greatly.
Don't expect to have an orgasm as a result of intercourse at first... and possibly not ever.
Good luck and don't rush this, either in doing it or at the time.
Posted by Richard on 19 Jun 06
Not using condoms
That's right: one of you needs to have an infection before the other one can catch it - the mere act of having anal sex won't create an infection neither of you have.
This does need you to 'talk, test and trust':
- talk about it with each other,
- make sure by testing that you're both ok (many STIs have few or no symptoms)
- and then trust each other that you're not being unsafe elsewhere... or that you'd say if you were, so you they can decide what to do as a result.
Where this can go wrong is when people fail to talk, so everyone knows what is agreed; make wrong assumptions about their status; and fail to be honest, often because of fear.
The advantage of using condoms is that you don't need to worry about these happening.
Posted by Richard on 19 Jun 06
try sliding a dildo in your bum with a ribbed condom on it using loads of lube, get it pressed on your prostate firmly while sliding the dildo in and out nice and slow, it gives the most intense orgasom or place the dildo between your matress and bed and use your body to ride it at diffrent angles find your prostate slowly build up until your body starts to tingle all over brething becomes more faster and as you ride it faster until you cannot take it any more,
Posted by lisa on 27 Jun 06
Dildos
Dildos provide a way to enjoy anal penetration with or without a partner.
They come in a wide variety of styles and you can get to chose the size, shape, colour, texture etc that you want. People who enjoy an 'in and out' movement can have a narrower bumpier one than people who like the feeling of being stretched, for example.
For anal use, it's important to chose a dildo with a wide base. You'll probably be using plenty of lube and you don't want something slipping through your fingers and disappearing up out of reach.
(If it does, relax, and try seeing if going to the toilet gets it out. If not, go to casualty - they'll have seen this many many times before, so don't bother with stories about falling onto it...)
What the dildo is made of is important too. Most people find plastic is too rigid or has sharp edges, latex has pores (small holes, so even if you're alone, use a condom to make cleaning easier) 'jelly' is toxic, and metal is too rigid and cold. In contrast, silicone is flexible, smooth, non-porous, non-toxic, and also warms to body temperature in warm water or in use.
Some dildos have wires or other objects inside, sometimes with the idea that they can be rotated to provide another sort of movement. These are best avoided - they can split the dildo, leaving you with a sharp wire inside. Ouch!
As noted, using a condom on the dildo makes it easier to clean and is also important if you're sharing it with someone else - change the condom each time before it goes inside anyone new or into a vagina after being in an anus.
Other anal toys include 'butt plugs' (designed to be inserted and left, to give a feeling of fullness, rather than moved in and out) and anal beads (usually removed at the point of orgasm). Most of the same suggestions above apply.
Whatever you're using, anal sex shouldn't hurt - pain is your body's way of saying something's not quite right. For example, if the angle of penetration is wrong for you, you can hit the wall of the rectum, which sends pain signals as a result.
If you want to read more, "Anal Pleasure and Health: A Guide for Men & Women" by Jack Morin is the classic guide on the subject and "The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women" by Tristan Taormino is also very good for all sexes and sexualities.
Women don't have prostates, of course...
Posted by SW5 on 27 Jun 06
"Women don't have prostates, of course..."
Except for transwomen, who if they've been on hormones for a long time or had an orchiectomy may have diminished prostates.
Thought it's worth chipping in, what with this site catering to transgender sex workers as well as gay blokes.
Posted by Phoebe on 22 Jul 06
first time i will see her body *naked*
im 15 and shes 15 too but ive been reading that girls are only like 4 inch deep and i know im bigger than that and she gets exstremly horny and everytime we phone it always gets on to how she wants to shag me and if i feel the same - witch i do but i feel im to *young* still , so my question is :
*will being naked infront of her make her so horny she may try to get me to shag her as she will be naked to?*
im asking as i dont want to take her virginty just yet and shes only 5 foot 5 so i know she will hurt me as well being tight etc
thansk for any replys
Posted by MW loves BR on 28 Jul 06
sorry forgot to mention we are going to be naked becuse were gonna have dry sex (with a comdom on of course - even though i odnt inted on penertrating her)
Posted by MW loves BR on 28 Jul 06
"Women don't have prostates, of course..."
Phoebe is right, thank you...
Posted by SW5 on 07 Aug 06
Naked for the first time
An old Arabic or Indian sex manual divided women and men into various categories, depending on the length of their vaginas and penises, and advised that women with short vaginas not attempt sex with men with long penises!
In most cases, there's no problem: vaginas can stretch to allow a baby's head to pass through, and expand in length with arousal too.
"everytime we phone it always gets on to how she wants to shag me"
One of the joys of phone sex, cybersex, or just 'talking dirty' together is that it provides a space to express fantasies that you may not want to put into reality just yet (or ever).
The risks of genuinely accidental penetration depend on just what you mean by "dry sex". (So, rubbing penis and vulva together is probably riskier than having the penis between closed thighs.)
In Great Britain, both of you would be breaking the law with any sort of sexual contact. In practice, if this were clearly a consensual relationship and decision, it is highly unlikely that you would be prosecuted.
Congratulations on wanting to wait until you're emotionally comfortable. Not everyone does, and most of them regret it.
Posted by Richard on 07 Aug 06
*At wat age a gal can be pregnant if hav sex wat is da min age of getting pregnant*and*tell me the exercise for getting my girlfriends boobs more in size*
Posted by Ali hashmi on 20 Sep 06
I am maired to a wonderful wife and to hot to handel. we have had anal sex in the past. Woud like to know if ejuclating in her anas would be a problom to her helth. thank you.
Posted by donlong on 10 Nov 06
Anal pleasure with a dildo
Hi, I have 2 questions regarding self pleasure with a dildo. As a choice of lubricant, I was
told that a brand called "EROS" super glide lotion (silicon based) is the best to use....super lubricated and doesn't dry out. Is this safe for everday use?
And Lastly, how can you clean a dildo that wasn't used with a condom over it, other than using the dishwasher? It seems as though the dildo is staind at the head and wont clean up with just soap and water.Thank you.
Posted by Toby on 20 Nov 06
Age when women can become pregnant
It varies from person to person, but it can be before they're ten. Once a girl's ovaries starts releasing ova (eggs) she can become pregnant. For obvious reasons, it doesn't happen often but this includes the time just before she's had her first period.
I do have to say that being sexual with someone you know to be under 16 is an offence. If they're under 13, it's a much more serious offence and you can't say, 'I thought they were older'.
Breasts are mostly fat and can't be increased in size by excercise. Breasts often increase in size naturally up to age 16 or so, plus will change to some extent with general body size.
For more basic info, call Sexwise on 0800 28 29 30 or visit www.ruthinking.co.uk
(Sorry, I didn't notice this question until today and I am not a doctor...)
Posted by Richard on 21 Nov 06
hi its sohan. I ve done sex with my partner without condom . i no her very well since 7 yts .She never met with some else. its her first time & mine also.Neither i & nor she is infected with HIV. But one of my friend said u ill b effected by HIV, its true till which extent. But its False. Should i go for blood test pls reply this as soon as possible& any sort of disease. thanks
Posted by sohan sethi on 01 Dec 06
'Done sex .. without a condom'
If neither of you have HIV, then you cannot catch from each other.
HIV doesn't appear just because you have sex without a condom - one of you has to be infected already.
There's a booklet on the basic facts of HIV at www.tht.org.uk/informationresources/publications/general/understandinghiv.pdf
Did you think about the possibility that she could become pregnant?
You could visit www.ruthinking.co.uk for more info on sex for young people, or call Sexwise on 0800 28 29 30 or THT Direct on 0845 12 21 200.
Posted by Richard on 01 Dec 06
I had anal sex for the first time with my boyfriend. It hurt a bit and afterwards I felt like my butthole hurt and it was like it's not closed like normal. I had to exert more effort if I wanted to remove bowels. After a few days, I was all back to normal. Could I have possibly been infected with an STD? This has been my first time and my boyfriend's first time. PLEASE REPLY*
Posted by Joan on 02 Dec 06
so like he put "it" in my butt and it shot right out does this mean we shouldnt have sex anymore
Posted by Sammy on 04 Dec 06
Anal sex for the first time
Joan - It sounds like your body just reacting to the experience to me, but I am not a doctor. If you're worried, go to a sexual health clinic. As mentioned above, just having sex will not 'create' something like an STI - one of you needs to have been infected already.
If you want to try it again, remember to use lube, patience and lube!
Sammy - if it's not relaxed, the anus can be quite tight and this can mean it's difficult to keep the penis inside.
If you both want to try again, you can. Make sure you're relaxed and that you use lube - both these make it easier for his penis to get past the muscles which pushed him out.
For both - the books recommended above really good.
Posted by Richard on 12 Dec 06
through having anal sex without a comdom then putting the penis back in the virgina can you get HIV ? with someone who dont have HIV or does HIV just occur?? write back asap
Posted by kerii on 20 Dec 06
Vaginal after anal
See the 'not using condoms' post above: if neither of you have HIV, nothing you do with each other will make it magically appear.
Having vaginal sex after anal sex without washing or changing condoms does risk other problems - there are bateria in the gut which don't belong inside your vagina. If you have a smelly discharge or are itchy, get it checked by a doctor.
Posted by Richard on 21 Dec 06
i am man trying to to do anal sex with my girl friend but i am unable to insert my penis in her anus as her anus his tight & she getting pain,i applied lube gel also, so pls advice me how should i insert my penis in her anus.
Posted by sameer on 25 Dec 06
i think my bf has an STD because his sister told me that he went to a clinic place a few weeks ago can i catch something if we use a comdom?
Posted by sam on 25 Dec 06
Sameer--
The reason why she is tight is because she hasn't relaxed enough you to penetrate her. The best way to do this is when you do your foreplay is to insert your finger/dildo into her anus and stretch those mucles. When she is relaxed, and you will know, then try to enter with your penis.
Posted by Noah on 29 Dec 06
Trying to have anal sex
It can take time to do this for the first time, and the 'receiving' partner needs to be relaxed, unpressured and feel in control over what's happening. If it hurts, this is unlikely and they're likely to tighten up further.
Try to get a copy of the books recommended above.
Until then, think 'slow', think 'gentle', think 'lube', think 'finger first' (having filed your nails!), think 'them on top', and think 'more lube'.
Oh, and think 'condom' - even if you wouldn't use them for vaginal sex.
What school sex ed never told me: you need a firmer erection for anal sex than vaginal sex.
Posted by Richard on 30 Dec 06
My BF might have an STI
Many people go to sexual health clinics for regular check-ups whether or not they have any symptoms.
If he has got an STI, having been to a clinic to check, he will have been encouraged to tell you... but not everyone does.
Condoms provide good protection against most infections, but not all. They're no use with crabs for example.
Is this something you can talk about with him? "Did you see the article about..." can be a more subtle way of asking than "Your sister said she saw you..." If even that's not ok, you might think about whether or not you want to be sexual with someone you can't talk to about sexual health.
Posted by Richard on 30 Dec 06
what kind of STD could you get after you had unprotected anal sex
Posted by Tazz on 18 Jan 07
What kind of STI...
If the other person is infected, virtually all of them, I'm afraid. It's the most common way HIV is transmitted in the UK, for example.
Infection is not certain, and the only way to find out is to have a check-up at a sexual health clinic.
It's particularly important to do so for the one 'receiving'. Many of the infections often don't have noticeable symptoms when caught this way, so someone can be infected and not realise it.
Posted by Richard on 19 Jan 07
i want to if its possible for your anus to stretch when you have anal sex, well actually i know it does,but will it stay streched or will it return to normal,because iv seen pics of people who have large anus holes after having anal sex,and i want to know if it will stay open
Posted by john on 30 Jan 07
Staying stretched?
No, it closes up.
People doing anal sex for porn usually have very good control over their anal muscles and can relax them. This helps with both being penetrated and in keeping it open for longer (thought to be more arousing for the viewer!)
Posted by Richard on 30 Jan 07
would ejaculating inside your partners butt cause health issues or is it best not to do it at all?
Posted by me on 30 Jan 07
Ejaculating inside
If you have HIV, doing this will make it more likely that your partner is (re)infected, and the same applies to some other STIs.
If you don't have any STIs, then I am not aware of any other health issues.
Posted by Richard on 01 Feb 07
when u have anal sex wat do u have to do to not get s.?$ on ur dick
Posted by me on 03 Feb 07
What do you have to do?
Wear a condom!
You can also use an enema - see above.
Posted by Richard on 03 Feb 07
wats an enema supposed to do
Posted by me on 05 Feb 07
What do you have to do 2
Washing the inside of the anus (the 'rectum') with warm water, see "en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Enema"
Wearing a condom is easier...
Posted by Richard on 05 Feb 07
please tell me some about anal sex
Posted by perera on 07 Feb 07
More info about anal sex
What would you like to know?
"Anal Pleasure and Health: A Guide for Men & Women" by Jack Morin is the classic guide on the subject and the recently updated "The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women" by Tristan Taormino is also very good for all sexes and sexualities.
Posted by Richard on 07 Feb 07
My boy friend and I are thinking about trying anal sex but I am afraid that if we start doing it often that my anus will stay stretched. I don't want to have to be running to the washroom because a loose bowel or whatever. Is that possible?
Posted by canadian chic on 16 Feb 07
yea thats nice to hear
Posted by ju ju on 17 Feb 07
Staying stretched?
No, this doesn't happen. It is possible to damage the anus and so any pain shouldn't be ignored, but done properly (slowly, gently and with lots of lube, at least at first) it shouldn't hurt.
Again, the two books mentioned above are highly recommended.
Posted by Richard on 20 Feb 07
i find it hard to be open about anal sex with my gf. i love anal sex with my gf and although she does enjoy it, or at least say she does, i think i get far more pleasure from it. she would never suggest we do it, but if i do, she'd go along with it. that makes me fell kinda bad, so i hardly ever suggest we do it, even though i want to. am i selfish for wanting to have anal with her? if she never says she'd like to do it, should i never ask her to? maybe i should try to forget how much i enjoy it with her. :/
Posted by weeble on 24 Feb 07
what is sex lyk i av nevr dun it cos im a gay nd i have to bum boys insted of girls so should both of us wear condoms to stop us having babies???
Posted by john on 25 Feb 07
I've always been attracted by womenz butt, so the first time i shoved my dick up my gul friends anus, she screamed and pulled me back. ever since she dusnt allow me to fuck her butt, but yes she permits me to lick around it , i love to lick round her anus , it turns me on , so my question is dat is it safe to lick it , may i get infected in any kind of disease, i'm much worried about it plz reply it ...... tanx
Posted by david on 25 Feb 07
Anal sex 1-2-3
Weeble - It may not be her favourite activity, but if you've made it clear that she can say no, without you taking it badly, then at some point you need to trust her.
Make sure you encourage her to ask for what she wants and, if it's not something you hate, give it to her.
This sounds like it's what she's doing for you: not all sex needs to be equally enjoyable to everyone.
'My turn, your turn' can be more fun than expecting everyone be satisfied by 'our turn'.
John - I'm not sure I understand the question! Gay men use condoms to protect both partners from sexually transmitted infections (diseases you can catch by having sex with someone who already has the disease).
Many gay men also have sex with women too. Then condoms are useful to prevent pregnancy.
David - I'd be most upset if someone tried to have anal sex with me without asking first, so I can understand her reluctance.
Licking someone's anus is known as 'rimming', and yes there are things you can catch as a result. They don't need to have an infection - just as you could be ill if you got your own poo in your mouth.
If youi're worried, you can use a barrier (a cut up condom, or some clingfilm, or a 'dental dam'). You put it over the anus and lick...
Posted by Richard on 26 Feb 07
when me and me boyfriend do stuff like foreplay he only ever gets semi hard even tho he sais hes really turned on (and i know he is) why is this?
Posted by sarah on 28 Feb 07
Erections as a sign of arousal
Firmness of erection is not linked to the degree of arousal or pleasure.
Giving someone else pleasure can be deeply arousing, but not lead to an erection, for example.
Even when on the receiving end, you can be turned on without an erection. When receiving anal sex, for example, a man can be very aroused but not have a full erection. Similarly men who enjoy bondage can be enormously satisfied when tied up... but not erect.
In each case, his attention is elsewhere rather than on his penis.
You don't say how old he is. As men get older, more and more of them need direct stimulation of the penis to get an erection. Kissing someone (or even thinking about it) may have been enough for some when they were teenagers, but not later in life. For some, it never is enough.
But my first thought was 'hooray, a man who realises you don't need an erection to have a good sexual time!' In fact, some men who use erection drugs complain that having one for hours isn't much fun.
I don't know if you've ever been with someone who thinks his erection is essential for both of you, but it can be hard (pun not intended!) just like having a partner who thinks that your nipples aren't hard 'enough' or you aren't wet 'enough' etc.
So trust him, especially if he's having orgasms in the end. From what you've said, it doesn't sound like it's bothering him.
Posted by Richard on 01 Mar 07
I am a happily married middle aged man. Four years ago I was diagnosed with BPH ( enlarged prostate)Internet Research led me to prostate massage with dildos... through this, I have discovered the pleasures of anal sex...I have pleasured my prostrate 1 to 5 times a week for up to 2 hrs at a time with a 9.5 x 2.5 & 8" x 2" jelly dildo....I started smaller...for the past year...I do not us condoms...I wash them very carefully with soap & water and wipe them with a clorox cloth and use a alcohol based hand sanitizer to clean...after they dry I put them in a sock and store them in my sock drawer. My questions are .....1. I could do this morning noon, & night...7/24...Can I do it too much as long as I lubricate adequately? 2. What kind of infections am I subject too? 3. Should I err on the side of safety and buy condoms by the case...?
Posted by Bob on 03 Mar 07
my bf and i had anal sex for the first time and we never used a condom, he finished in me and now im not sure of what to do? please help
Posted by vanessa on 03 Mar 07
me and my bird are goin 2 have sex 4 the first time but we r only 15
will fingering her b4 sex make her vagina larger and will i b able 2 fit my penis in even though it is her first time and her vagina is rather tight. i am also worried if she will get pregnant as i am not ready for a kid and i dnt want the condom 2 split
Posted by jake on 03 Mar 07
And by the way....since I started riding the dildos, I can piss like a racehorse....Another question? Is there a limit of how big a dildo My arse can take?I,m thinking of going up is size...
Posted by Bob on 03 Mar 07
I am not a doctor
But...
Bob - Jelly dildos are almost impossible to clean properly because they've got lots of tiny holes. If you want to continue doing this, I'd suggest using a silicone dildo, or getting that case of condoms.
Some people do wear dildos, usually in the form of a 'butt plug', for ages, but I'm not aware of any serious research about the consequences of doing so.
With practice, larger dildos can be accommodated, but the combination of a large size and long time might cause problems. I'd ask at your local (or not so local) sexual health clinic: they really have heard it all before.
As frequent peeing is one sign of prostate problems, it doesn't surprise me that if yours is now less enlarged, for what ever reason, you can now pee more.
Vanessa - it's up to you. How sure are you that he doesn't have any sexually transmitted infection?
If you're worried, it might be an idea a) to have a check up and b) remember how you're feeling now so that you use condoms for this in future.
Jake - you probably know that the age of consent is 16 in England, Wales and Scotland and this would be illegal for both of you.
Petting that way or masturbating with fingers inside will get her more used to having something inside her and will also teach the importance of her being relaxed and turned on before trying to go inside, with fingers or anything else.
When you decide to have sex, using a water-based lube (you can get them at many chemists) will a) make sex easier and b) reduce the chance of the condom failing.
Many young people use more than one form of contraception, for example the 'pill' and condoms. This could be an opportunity for both of you to discuss your worries with someone at a young person's clinic.
Posted by Richard on 05 Mar 07
Thanks for suggestions...I will check into silicone...if it is easier to keep clean....I have found that the longer I have used a jelly dildo, the darker discolorationat the end...bleach won't take it off....What I mean by frequency of use is to slip one in first thing in the morning (seems to be less messy)for about 30 minutes....Then again at night for 30 minutes to an hour.....It seems the more I "ride my cocks" (wife's description)the better I piss and better my balls feel....But I don't want to swap one problem (enlarged prostate, testicle discomfort) for another....Thanks again...It is difficult to discuss this....
Posted by Bob on 06 Mar 07
Still not a doctor
'Jelly' toys have lots of tiny holes in their surface, and so I'm not surprised it ends up being discoloured (equally I wouldn't want one that's been in bleach in me!)
Rubber has the same problem, albeit to a lesser extent, but silicone doesn't. You can even quite happily stick a silicone dildo in boiling water: ease of cleaning is one of their main joys.
Posted by Richard on 06 Mar 07
my partner is keen to try out fisting or variations of it. Instead of a hand, is it physically possible to insert a foot in the anus, a small foot that is (UK size 3)? If done with lots of lube and patience, would it still cause injury?
Posted by brian on 10 Mar 07
Footing
See disclaimer above!
One reason some people can accommodate a fist is that it can be curled up (into what's often described as a 'duck bill' shape) for easier entry, which a foot can't be.
Having said that, some people use dildos of an equivalent size and I know that someone offers vaginal 'footing' as a service... so clearly that can be accepted by some people.
But hands are also more flexible in other ways - being able to bend is particularly important for anal penetration - and you'd need to be careful with toenails.
So it's certainly not something I'm going to try myself or recommend that anyone else try it.
If you decide to do so, be very conscious of any pain: it's better to give up the idea 'too soon' than 'too late'.
Posted by Richard on 11 Mar 07
Hi, can you tell me which infections I could get while having anal then vaginal sex with my partner. It is not like we mean to do this, but occasionally there has been a slip from anus to vagina and well the mood we are in at the time we sort of get carried away. Thanks. x
Posted by Julie on 29 Mar 07
Still not a doctor
There's no big list, but I'd expect there to be symptoms similar to those of things like thrush or bacterial vaginosis: itching, unpleasant discharge etc.
Posted by Richard on 03 Apr 07
ok 1st of all if u love my chemical romance if u do to just type 1023 ok now ill tell u about sex im only 14 so i just had sex for the first time and im am ok with that bcuz i talked with my boyfriend about all the things needed like condoms and if we both r ok with it so make sure u both understnd its not something ur going to want to forget the next day and dont let it change the way u feel about ur partner i still love him make sure its love and noy lust ok peice im going to get a new cell phone plz take this to ur heart and dont feel bad about talking with ur bf/gf its importent
Posted by i luv mychem romance on 03 Apr 07
ok 1023
umm... im 15 and my boyfriend says he is ready and i told him im not as ready as he wants me to be i asked him if i could have time to think this over. i really do love steven but i think he might leave me if i dont have sex im not sure if i should give it a try.i think im only thinking i should bcuz of everyone talking about it i have a lot of friends and we are very close
my friend told me she had sex and it kinnda hurt im just scard i really dont want to be but i cant help it. what should i do plz tell me i dont know wat i should do?
Posted by samntha goodline on 03 Apr 07
me n my gf r finkin bout havin anal sex.... shes not 2 sure... but i wanna fuk her up da ass so baddd....
Posted by ben & christina on 11 Apr 07
me and my girlfriend had sex...and then she did me up the ass..and thats when i realised..well..does that mean im gay..
Posted by ben & christina on 11 Apr 07
i was fuckin my gurl up da ass... wen she farted n did a shit n my dick smells like shit... will i get aids?
Posted by salvo on 11 Apr 07
alrite.... i dont no wat got ova me.... but um.... im a vet ok.... im proffesional... but umm... i fucked a monkey..is der sumfin rong wif me??
Posted by mr.daws on 11 Apr 07
Hi my name is mike and i was wondering is could i have sex with my girlfriend with out using a condom after her 7 days period ?? coz i heard that a girl can have sex after her period for like 5 or 6 days is that true please reply soon!
Posted by mike on 12 Apr 07
oh what i mean is that after her period we can have sex with out she gettin pregnant!!
Posted by mike on 12 Apr 07
hello i just want to know if age is a matter in anal sex and between which age should a girl be to have anal sex ?
Posted by jozeph on 15 Apr 07
How many people?
It looks to me like the posts above are three different people making two or three posts under different names, one of whom is very probably enjoying trying to shock people, yawn.
But to answer the questions..
First time
You are absolutely right about the importance of talking about this, and being sure that it's something you both want, rather than someone lying in order to get sex.
Which doesn't seem to be the case for you, does it? It's a cliche, but if someone's pressuring you for sex, it's a sign that they're not the right person - threating to end the relationship if you don't have sex with them is up amongst the best reasons to say 'bye bye then'.
What to do? Wait until you are sure. Please.
'Safe period' - Women usually start their period about fourteen days after they've ovulated. The day of ovulation is when they're most likely to become pregnant if they have sex without contraception, and the chances drop off rapidly after that as the egg moves out of the Fallopian tubes.
So, you're right, outside a few days before ovulation (sperm can live for several days inside, waiting for an egg to come along) and afterwards, a woman is very unlikely to become pregnant.
The big problem is that it can be very difficult to tell when this is! Women can ovulate more than once a month (if both eggs are fertilised, non-identical twins are the result) and the date of ovulation from the previous period can vary too, particularly when young and also down to issues like stress... such as wondering if you're pregnant.
There are things you can do to increase the chances of predicting when ovulation will happen - the Persona kits test for a hormone in urine, you can measure temperature (after ovulation, a woman's temperature rises slightly) - but these all take practice and are best used by couples where a pregnancy would not be a disaster.
Until that's the case, you're probably better off checking that neither of you has any sexually transmitted infections and using another method of contraception.
Age - Age matters because it's considered important that everyone understands the implications of what's happening and can decide for themselves whether or not to do it.
Women can't become pregnant via anal sex, but having anal sex without condoms can be riskier for sexually transmitted infections, for example.
Until the Criminal Justice and Public Order Act 1994, it was actually illegal for men and women to have anal sex together. It set the age of consent for anal sex for everyone to 18, but this has since been lowered.
So in the UK, the age of consent for anal sex is now the same as that for vaginal sex: 16 in England, Wales and Scotland, but 17 in Northern Ireland.
Posted by Richard on 16 Apr 07
condom is good thins to stop aids& pepoletion problem solv i think this is good to us this is betar option to anather thins
Posted by saikiasanjiv on 30 May 07
Hi i just wanted to say that the condoms i use r small n they always snap. i measured my cock n it came to 20inches which is really, my gf just loves sucking my cock becoz its so big, but i cant have safe sex becoz the condoms r to small. so what do u think i should do?
Posted by Alex on 14 Aug 07
What's longer, your nose or your...?
Get a new ruler?
Learn to tell the difference between inches and centimetres?
Or learn to measure your penis the same way as everyone else: from the angle between it and your tummy where it joins your body to the end?
With condoms and large penises, the main problem is usually the width rather than the length. You can get wider condoms to help with this or use Femidoms as condoms (take the inner ring out first).
But if condoms really are too short, you'll just have to get used to not going inside your partner deeper than the length of the condom.
Posted by Richard on 14 Aug 07
i am new to anal sex, but i wanted to first try it with a dildo. so i got one, but it hurts way too much to even fully insert it. is there anyway to stretch it without it hurting, or with it hurting less?
Posted by chris on 16 Aug 07
Practicing
See the books recommended above.
Relax, lube, don't rush, relax, lube, don't rush...
Posted by Richard on 16 Aug 07
I would really like to know what are possible dangers/injuries to internal organs,rectum,colon with regular(1 or 2 days a week) use of a large dildo anally?
I purchased a 12 x 8 inch dildo...the diameter being 2 to 2 1/2 inches. Mind you, I am only taking what I believe is just 8 inches of the 12 in length.I use a clean condom at every use and clean thoroughly. It is particulalry satisfying and helping with my new found sexual freedom.I have discarded all guilt shame and embarrassment as I have aged...40.
I want to know what are the physical bodily risks as I read many different takes on the subject.
Thank you, EDPosted by ED on 11 Sep 07
My girlfriend has a Dildo and one day she asked if she could fuck me wiv it. Its 9inches long and 3inches thick i loved it. Iv now own 2 and use. My mum's Dildo's does this mean im gay, iv sucked my best friends cock quite a few times, so am i gay
Posted by Love Dildo's on 16 Sep 07
Is he gay?
A year or so before his death last year, sexual orientation expert Dr Fritz Klein was on a radio show when a question from a man who liked being 'pegged' by his girlfriend came up.
'Does this mean the questioner is gay?' asked the host?
'No,' said Fritz, 'it just means he likes being fucked.'
You can look at more on the diversity of sexual orientation at www.biresource.org/pamphlets/scales.html and, as I'm sure you know, it's not a good idea to use other people's dildos.
Posted by Richard on 23 Sep 07
Keep your penis clean.
I am thinking about having anal sex with my partner however i was woundering if when you have anal sex do u get loads of excriment on you?
If so how is this sexy?
Is there any tips for my partner?Posted by matt on 30 Nov 07
Keeping your penis clean
Well some people like playing with poo, but yes, for most people, this is a concern.
This is another reason to use condoms for anal sex, even if you don't use them for other activities, of course.
Fortunately the rectum (the part of the gut just inside the anus) only has significant amounts of poo in it when you are actually pooing. You can also use enemas (warm water squirted into the anus) to clean it further.
See the books recommended above. They're still the best resources I know of on anal sex.
Posted by Richard on 06 Dec 07
Barebacking With My Girlfriend
Although I've only been with my new girlfriend a couple of weeks, we've been having unprotected vaginal sex from day one. But now, she wants anal sex. Should I use a condom for anal or would it be OK to go bareback but not return to the vagina before cleaning up?
I did use a condom for anal sex with my previous girlfriend and went raw for vaginal. I've never been keen on anal without a condom, but that's what my new girlfriend wants. Can you please advise?
Posted by Jason on 28 Dec 07
Barebacking with a new partner
The thought that goes through many people's minds in situations like this is, "If they're wanting to do this with me, who else have they done it with?"
Have you both had check-ups since any other partners? Without being honest at a clinic so they check, many STIs don't have any symptoms in the arse, so many people have something without realising.
If neither of you have any STIs, neither of you can be infected and so if you have another method of contraception sorted (or want a pregnancy) and trust each other, then you should be fine not using condoms either way.
If one of you does have something, it'll be riskier for the other partner, particularly for her.
Posted by Richard on 31 Dec 07
Hi,
Im struggling to have anal sex with my boyfriend (gay).
Im cut and condoms just take away ALL the pleasure! I have had unprotected sex before, and it was so much better, but it's just not worth the fear and worry that comes after for 3 months. I want to have safe sex, I just need to be able to cum! And I cant with condoms. My partner gets really disappointed too!
Any advice?
Posted by Preston on 01 Jan 08
Cutting the pleasure?
While I'll agree that there is a difference, it's also right that condoms do remove an awful lot of worries which can also affect the experience.
As there's no law that says you need to come via penetration, I'd say your choices are 'anal sex with condoms but coming another way' and 'negotiated safety'.
The latter is also known as 'talk, test, trust': you both talk about boundaries (e.g. what sex is ok with other people?), test, and then - if you've both got the same HIV status - trust each other to stick to the boundaries. There's a good booklet on the issues called 'Agreements in Relationships'.
Posted by Richard on 01 Jan 08
Barebacking with a new partner
Richard,
Thanks for your advice. I had check-ups with my previous girlfriend, but only months into the relationship. We had been barebacking before the check-up. But we did get the all clear.
But with my new girlfriend, we are yet to screen for STIs. Well I know I'm clean. I enjoyed unprotected sex with my previous girlfriend (and the one before her), and so I didn't want to use a condom with my new girlfriend. And she didn't insist. So it seems kinda odd to drag her to the clinic now... like I didn't trust her or something. I need to be careful how I pitch the idea to her, don't you think? Any advice would be appreciated. I got myself into a right pickle here. For me, anal bareback is a no no, but she ain't too happy with that.
Posted by Jason on 01 Jan 08
Is it ok to cum in a girls ass without having to worry?
Posted by Matt on 12 Jan 08
My Girlfriend was fingering herself the other night in the vagina then fingered her ass and back to her vagina, is it possible to get an infection and/or symptoms straight away?
reply ASAP!!
Posted by Matt on 13 Jan 08
This board stopped accepting comments for about a week - sorry for the service interruption to all non-spammers (there are about a hundred attempts a day to 'comment spam' here!)
Posted by Oops on 18 Apr 08
me and my girlfriend have recently started having anal sex using a condom, is it unsafe to do it *without* one? we have both been checked out & are all clear for STI's / STD's
Posted by DW on 17 Sep 09
i.e. SAFE
if you have both been checked for virus etc AND both cleared...AND you are both comfortable with having sex without a condom and trust each other i.e. you aere both exclusive to each other
THEN and only then you shoudl be finePosted by me on 18 Oct 09
Several comments have been deleted. This board has been a valuable resource for over five years, and does not need people being (to put it at its nicest) prats.
Posted by The Management on 22 Oct 09
Back accepting comments again
It's taken longer than we hoped, but you can now leave comments here again. Sorry for the downtime.
Posted by The Management on 03 Feb 10
This is a total scam paid £249 for the year i know im a mug but didnt know any different. got a couple of phonecalls from potential clients but nothing paid money into hsbc got promised a client for that weekend but nothing still waiting this was 3 months ago. its a SCAM SCAM
Posted by men4ladies on 02 Mar 10
No advertising!
Has this site been useful to you? We don't get paid for doing any of it. It makes our day every time we help someone, though. If you want to donate something to say 'thank you', Amazon vouchers to no.longer.sw5@googlemail.com are always welcome.
No longer associated with the Terrence Higgins Trust. |